


7 Inches (by Mario)

by cah_avengers



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Dick Pics, F/M, Foul Language, Hydra, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-14
Packaged: 2018-01-19 08:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1462231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cah_avengers/pseuds/cah_avengers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maria accidentally sends nudes to Stark Industries. Or is a more sinister force at work?</p>
            </blockquote>





	7 Inches (by Mario)

Now that Hydra had taken down SHIELD from the inside, the faithful had been scattered. Some ran away, too terrified to be involved any longer. Others regrouped at various SHIELD bases and made a stand against the Hydra lackeys that were still kicking…And some found a new job at Stark Industries.

Maria Hill was one of those agents, having fallen very far from her title as Second in Command of SHIELD to front-desk reception at what was soon to be named Avengers Tower.

Stark had been delighted to hand Maria a new special uniform and personally show her to the front desk where she would take up her new duties.

It was ridiculous. Maria was far above answering phones and writing memos. She was a certified genius and a master of kicking ass.

The one perk to this new job, though Maria would never admit it aloud, was the new security guard stationed next to the elevator, who happened to be none other than Galaga Guy from the first helicarrier. He was certainly nice to look at, especially his tight ass that was visible through his nicely cut suit. His dark aviators gave him a hint of sexy mystery that Maria found highly appealing.

But he was a fucking slacker and Maria absolutely hated that. Playing a game of Galaga on the job when Loki was terrorizing the organization? Ridiculous. She wanted to smack him across the face…while wearing a leather bustier. Then she would slam him against a wall...And maybe make good use of her handcuffs. And she could ask Natasha to borrow her whip—

 _“Agent Hill, Mr. Stark requests your presence in the lounge.”_ JARVIS’s unmistakable voice that was fucking English for some reason ripped her from her fantasy.

“Can’t he just contact me through comms?” She sighed and checked the time on her super fancy high tech phone that Stark had just returned to her after a recent trip to Asgard to save Pepper from Loki’s clutches.

_“I’m afraid he is insisting.”_

“Fine. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” She pushed herself away from the desk and straightened her skirt. She tossed the headset onto her keyboard and strutted toward the elevator.

Galaga Guy smiled a dumb fucking smile like he didn’t know she disdained him. “Hello, Agent Hill.”

“Galaga Guy,” she sneered and pushed past him to the elevator while he stepped to the side to stand guard in front of the doors.

“Actually, my name is Eri-“

“Mmmhmm,” She pressed the close door button, completely ignoring him. But before the doors could close, she quickly lifted her phone and snapped a picture of his ass.

Unfortunately she had left the sound effects on, and the shutter noise practically echoed in the small space. Galaga Guy turned and only caught a glimpse of her as the doors shut.

Maria buried her face in her hands and groaned. Fucking Galaga Guy. He would be the death of her…A very attractive way to die…

When the doors opened again at the lounge, Stark called out her name.

“You know I have that headset for a reason, Stark. You can talk to me that way.”

“I prefer to speak to you in person for matters of such high importance.”

Maria pursed her lips and folded her arms. “So what is this important matter?”

“Well, my wedding to Pepper is coming up so I want you to go online and find the most expensive venues you possibly can. Collect a bunch of pictures and send them to Pep so she can choose her favorite.”

Maria stared at him in disbelief. “You’re kidding, right?”

“No. Why would I be kidding?” He smiled his shit-eating grin. “This is very important. I want Pep to have the very best.”

Maria closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Fine. But next time you need to talk to me about anything that isn’t a sensitive matter, just use the fucking headset.”

“No problem, sweet cheeks. Oh, and I hope you appreciate that I assigned that Galaga kid to your location.”

“You did that?”

Stark only smirked in response and Maria sighed and marched back to the elevator.

When she returned to her desk, she quickly completed Stark’s special assignment so she could turn her attention back to actual vital company business. There was a slight hiccup with her email program when she dragged the folder to attach it to the email, but it eventually sent.

Two hours she received a reply from Pepper.

**Maria, why the HELL would you send that to me?! Did Tony tell you to do that?!**

Maria furrowed her brow and hit reply.

**Of course. He wanted you to pick for yourself.**

She resumed her work and ignored the strange email, but a few minutes later Pepper had replied again.

**Well you can tell him I still pick him…Even though Galaga Guy’s dick is slightly bigger. Oh and tell him I won’t be flying back into New York this evening. Thanks, Maria.**

“What the _fuck_.” Maria quickly went back to the email and opened the attached picture folder. “Oh shit.”

Somehow her folder of *accidentally obtained* security footage screenshots of Galaga Guy naked had been attached instead of the venue folder. Her eyes widened and she noticed something strange. CC’ed on the email were two mysterious contacts. One named Bob, and the other ZZZZZZZZZZZ. “No…HYDRA!!!”

She looked up to see Galaga Guy staring at his phone in disgust. “Agent Hill, where did you get these?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“This email clearly came from you. The email address is ‘thisisagentmariahillformerlyofshieldcurrentlyofstarkindustries@starkindustries.com’.”

Her eyes widened even more.

“It’s okay, Maria…” He approached her slowly and she stayed glued to one spot. “I kinda like this about you.”

“You do?” She asked, watching him hopefully.

“No. What the fuck is wrong with you? This is extremely disturbing.”

Maria swallowed hard and cleared her throat. “Well, this is clearly Hydra’s doing. Bob and ZZZZZZZ are the same names of the high ranking Hydra agents that infiltrated the top secret meeting we had with the Avengers…They’re trying to rip us apart from the inside. Don’t let them win, Galaga.”

Galaga squinted at her. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, duh. Think about it. Why would I have naked pictures of you?”

“Um, because Tony specifically said that he saw them on your ph—“

“Shhhhhh.” Maria held a finger to his lips.

Galaga frowned and stepped back from her.

“Galaga, let’s just move on.”

“But now everyone in Stark Industries has seen—“

“It’s okay, shhhhh.” She stepped forward to place a finger to his lips again but he dodged her. “The main point here is that Hydra has infiltrated Stark Industries. We have to stop them.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“We need to go straight to Stark. Now.” Maria stalked off toward the elevator.

“Okay, fine, yeah. Let’s go.” Galaga followed after her and she entered the code that would take them to the lounge.

“I really hope Stark knows how to erase those pictures from the internet.”

“Yeah. I hope so.” Maria rolled her eyes.

Suddenly the lights cut out and the elevator jerked to a halt.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Galaga sighed.

“Well, this is a dizzzzzzzzzzzaster.”

“Oh my god, don’t you fucking dare.”

They stood there together in complete darkness.

Maria sighed as well. “Hopefully someone calls the fire de _bob_ ment.”

“Maria, I need you to stop.”

“It doesn’t look like this situation is going to _escalate_ any time soon.”

“We’re in an _elevator_ , not a fucking _escalator_.”

“I thought it worked, okay…Maybe being in this dark metal box has discom _bob_ ulated me.” Maria grinned in the darkness.

“Shut the fuck up.”

 

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
